Kayleigh Hancox

A huge THANK YOU to everyone who lights a candle for Kayleigh ..... and so helps to keep her memory
alive, bringing great comfort to her mummy xxx
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The two tracks playing are from Kayleigh's funeral .... I always used to play the Mozart for
Mothers-to-Be track to Kayleigh .... and the Aerosmith 'Miss You' track was from our wedding dvd and
also Kayleigh's funeral ......
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After a text-book pregnancy - Our much loved and wanted daughter, Kayleigh, died inside me- 5 days
before her due date.

A Complete and Utter Shock. A full post mortem showed an Unexplained Death. Our Perfect Baby.

After a scan the week before and a check with the midwife on 1st November, when I heard the
strongest and loudest heartbeat i had ever heard....when the midwife wrote in my notes 'Awaiting
Action' ...... On 4th November 2007, 2.57am, our precious firstborn, Kayleigh was born into silence,
weighing 7lb 11oz. God took our Little Angel straight to Heaven. It was only when she was born that
we found out she was a girl. We always said that we didn't mind if we had a boy or a girl, as long
as s/he was safe and healthy ........

Forever in our hearts.

Loved and missed more than any words can say.

As a mother with empty arms, my smile hides more than a million tears. I may look 'OK', but I am
broken inside. Part of me died on 4th November.

I am a woman of great strength- I am the mother of an Angel.

Some people only dream of angels, I held one in my arms.

Immense joy turned to our worst nightmare. Kayleigh's tragic death resulted in a very traumatic
labour, post-mortem, funeral, cremation, ...... our lives, home and nursery ready and waiting for
our baby....but we came home empty handed...with just memories ... photos, foot and handprints and a
lock of Kayleigh's beautiful dark hair.... and I still constantly have reminders in every walk of
life that our baby is not with us. A loss to the future. And the most unbelievable, unbearable,
overwhelming pain. The journey of grief is a long, hard one.

Did you know that 17 babies are stillborn or die shortly after birth every day in the UK?

The impact of the death of a baby is a trauma that affects so many people, in so many different
ways. It is something you can not even begin to understand, unless you have been through it.

In memory of Kayleigh, we raised awareness of stillbirth and set up The Angel Gifts Appeal... which
raised nearly £13,000.
We wanted Kayleigh's life to make a difference, by helping others. I wanted to make my baby proud,
that her mummy wants to celebrate her life.

The Angel Gifts Appeal, in association with SANDS (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society), raised
funds for 2 worthwhile causes:

1. To help bereaved parents: The donation of a public children's memorial, for the Snowdrop Garden
at the Hardwick Hill Crematorium (Banbury), where Kayleigh's ashes are buried.

2. To help precious babies in the womb: The donation of much needed monitoring equipment, for the
Horton Hospital Maternity Unit (Banbury), where Kayleigh was born.

I am extremely proud to say that The Angel Gifts Appeal was a great success, and I am now
Fundraising Co-Ordinator for Oxfordshire SANDS- who support bereaved parents in the local area.

To offer your support in any shape or form, please contact me on karen.young@btclick.com
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If tears could build a stairway,
And memories were a lane,
I would walk right up to Heaven
To bring you home again.
No farewells were spoken,
No time for goodbye,
You were gone before I knew it,
And only God knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness,
And secret tears will flow,
What is meant to me to lose you,
No one will ever know.
(Author Unknown)
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'O' precious tiny, sweet little one,
you will always be to us perfect, pure and innocent,
just as you were meant to be.
We dreamed of you and of your life and all that it would be,
we waited and longed for you to come and join our family.
We never had the chance to play, to laugh, to rock, to wiggle,
we long to hold you, touch you now and listen to you giggle.
I will always be your mother; he'll always be your Dad,
you will always be our child, the child that we had.
now you're gone...but yet you're here,
we will sense you everywhere.
You are our sorrow and our joy,
there's love in every tear.
Just know that our love goes deep and strong,
we'll forget you never -
the child we had, but never had,
and yet will have forever.......
(Author Unknown)
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A MOTHER'S DREAM

I carried you so lovingly,
Within my gentle womb...
And little did I realise,
Your life would end too soon.

I never got the chance to say
"I love you, little one"...
Before I held you in my arms,
Your life on earth was done.

The grief is indescribable,
To lose a child this way...
All the many hopes and dreams,
Just vanished on that day.

I know I'll see the sun shine bright
Upon my baby's face...
When I finally get to heaven,
All my pain will be erased.

We'll soar the skies together,
As angels two by two...
We'll have a sweet reunion
This mother's dream come true.
(Author Unknown)
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BOOK OF LIFE

An angel in the
Book of life
Wrote down my
Baby's birth,
And whispered as
She closed the book,
"Too beautiful for Earth"
(Author Unknown)
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I wanted so much for you, my sweet little baby
I wanted to change your diapers, not my life
I wanted to nurse you, not my grief
I wanted to dress you up, not bury you down
I wanted to hear the sounds of you crying for me at night,
not my own sounds of crying for you,
my innocent, perfect baby.
I wanted to see you grow, not the grass upon the grave
I wanted to see you asleep in the crib, not in the casket
I wanted to see you in life, not death
I wanted to show you off, not go on alone
I wanted to comb your fuzzy hair, not save a lock of it
I wanted to pick up after you, not put down my dreams for you
I wanted to hold you in my arms, not this teddy
I wanted to walk you late at night, not my fears
I wanted so much for you,
my newly born, newly gone - child
I wanted so much more
I wanted so much
I wanted
I wanted you
(by Maria Lafond Visscher)
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My Child Did Exist

I've lost a child I hear myself say
And the person I'm talking to just turns away
Now why did I tell them, I don't understand
It wasn't for sympathy or a helping hand
I just want them to know I've lost someone dear
I want them to know that my child was here

My child left something behind which no one can see
my child made just two people into a family
So if I've upset you, I'm as sorry as can be
You'll have to understand that I could not resist
I just want you to know that my child did exist
(Author Unknown)

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THE CORD!

We are connected, my child and I,
by an invisible cord not seen by the eye.
It’s not like the cord that connects us at birth,
this cord can’t be seen by any on earth.
This cord does its work right from the start,
it binds us together, attached by the heart
I know that it’s there, though no one can see
this invisible cord, from my child to me.
The strength of this cord,
it’s hard to describe,
it can’t be destroyed, it can’t be denied.
It’s stronger than any cord man could create;
it withstands the test, can hold any weight.
And though you are gone and you’re not here with me,
the cord is still there though no one can see.
It pulls at my heart, I am bruised, I am sore,
but this cord is my lifeline as never before.
I’m thankful that God connects us this way,
a mother and child…Death can’t take it away
(Author Unknown)
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THE LITTLE ONES WE LONGED FOR:
I read this when we buried Kayleigh's ashes

The world may never notice if a rosebud doesn’t bloom,
Or even pause to wonder if a petal falls too soon.
But every life that ever forms or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.

The little ones we longed for were swiftly here and gone,
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts says
We remember you.

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The mask I wear

You see this smiling happy face
But look closely at my eyes
You'll see they are still dead inside
It shouldn’t be a surprise

Yes I smile , I laugh, I joke
Sometimes join in, have some fun
Don’t you realise when I lost my child
A new existence has begun

I wander round the town with you
We sit, eat lunch, drink tea
Please look past this false smile I give
Look for the real me

I may look as if the old me's back
But don’t you realise it's an act?
I have to pretend that I'm ok
Me and my conscience made a pact

When I'm all alone at home
I sit and stare into space
I think constantly about my child
Just remembering their face

I've never felt so all alone
Even when lost in a crowd
I want to scream and shout and rave
Shout 'please notice me' out loud

So please don’t be fooled by the person you see
Look beyond the act I give
Speak to me about my child
Please help me again to live
(Author Unknown)
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The Shopping Trip

As I peruse the aisles
of the local store
I see things more differently
than I ever have before

'Daddy's Little Angel'
the embroidered bibs do read
But Daddy's angel is in Heaven
and bibs she does not need.

She does not need a bottle
a dress or a toy
Of buying those things for her
we shall never know the joy

There are tiny jars of baby food
that she will never eat
And shiny shoes with buckles
that will never touch her feet

As the bikes and trikes taunt me
from high up on the rack
Tears will break free from my eyes
if I dare look back

I run off to the restroom
to blow my nose and cry
I wipe my eyes, swallow hard
and let out a sigh

I must go face the paper,
college and wide rule
That my little angel
will never use in school

I hurry past the greeting cards
that the people choose with care
And I am reminded
of the holidays we shall not share

In the checkout line I bow my head
and heavy is my heart
For the family right in front of me
has a newborn in their cart

Shopping in the local store
used to be mundane
Now every aisle's full of items
which remind me of my pain

So, quick as I can, I give the cashier
the money from my purse
And hurry away from those who don't know my pain
in this foreignly happy universe
(Author Unknown)
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What My Child Has Taught Me

- I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

- I've learned that learning to forgive takes a lot of practice.

- I've learned that friends can become strangers, and strangers can become friends.

- I've learned that ignorance isn't an excuse for lack of compassion.

- I've learned that some people will never, ever - "get it".

- I've learned that no matter how badly your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

- I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of minutes.

- I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

- I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

- I've learned that love isn't measured by the amount of time you have with someone.

- I've learned that some sorrow is so deep that it has no words. But so is love.

- I've learned that some positives can come out of a tragedy... and that friends and strangers alike
can give more comfort and strength than they will ever know.

- I've learned that the words 'Thank You' sometimes are nowhere near enough to express gratitude,
when someone has helped you survive a day that you didn't have the strength to get through on your
own. Or when someone takes the time to acknowledge what has happened and cares enough to listen to
you.

- I've learned how important and powerful hugs are.

- I've learned how much i love those around me.

- I've learned what it means to become a family, and that i have more love for my daughter than I
ever thought possible.
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Where Did It Go?

Where did our life go
What happened to all our plans
Where did that first smile go,
That first 'dada'
That first 'mama'
That first fabulous tooth ?

What happened to that first day of school
Those scraped knees i was gonna kiss better
That first school photo
What happened to that first ' I love you '
That first gappy grin ?

Who stole the insolent teenager who would
Exasperate us, wear us out and make us proud
Where did her wedding day go
And her husband
And their beautiful children ?

In a missed heartbeat
We were robbed of all of this
Of our girl and her beautiful treasured life .
(Author Unknown)

Mummy and Daddy love and miss you always and forever, sweet Kayleigh

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A mother’s treasure is her daughter

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